As I pulled the car into the garage this morning, a song came on the radio: Back to the Old House by the Smiths. Sort of the perfect song to reflect on past friendships and really appreciate my life as it is now.
My freshman year of college was amazing. Through a series of chance meetings, I met several people who changed my life. That is what friends are for, perhaps. Ocean, my beautiful friend and cohort in whimsical fashion. Jay, my fun loving stalwart friend. And Erik, playfully loud, and brilliantly funny; who loved Morrissey, and who I couldn't help but get so stupidly shy around. Of all the people in the world, these were whom I wanted to spend my time.
Twenty one years ago, on this date, Jay and Ocean and I went to the park. It was the first really springlike day in south eastern Idaho, and we celebrated by swinging on swings, blowing bubbles, running barefoot on the still cold grass. We were surprised to find dandelions in the yellow lawn. Ocean and I picked handfuls of them to take to Erik. He was surprised, of course, but always the gentleman. We invited him to go dancing, but he declined. He had been aloof for a while.
Later, around two in the morning, Jay knocked on my door to tell me that Erik had died. He had shot himself.
The year following Erik's death was a rough one for me. There were no easy answers and it took a long time to get through grief. I remember the day, perhaps a year and a half afterward, thinking to myself: Oh, I haven't thought about Erik today, and feeling that guilty relief that marked the passage of time.
Time travel through the years: people come and go in my life and I see into them and love them. Jay and I chat occasionally via the internet. I am god-mother to Ocean's seven sweet children. There are dozens and dozens of other people I have been inspired by, who have influenced me, and who I influence.
Perhaps my lesson from that experience with Erik: appreciate my life and share it with others. Live wide open to all possibilities and love what comes. Life is precious, as are the people in it. The difficult times make me stronger, I am stronger than I think--I have and will survive tough things. Life is about finding joy in the journey, even on the rocky roads--just don't dwell on the rocks too long.
We woke early and left, by car for a park on the trail around the back bay. It was still dark, but got lighter as we traveled. We were several miles in by bike, when JE called a halt. A spoke on his back wheel broke--brand new bike! Thanks to Josh, I knew now that, yah, you can ride on a broken spoke, just unleash the brake and ride carefully.
From JE's work, I ran along the trail-2 miles up, 2 back, with the same scenario as yesterday with my tendinitis. Perhaps it is going away and getting better as I get stronger.
Swimming tonight: We trudged up the hill to the pool as the black clouds above us gave way. We were soaked before we got into the pool, which felt so warm and nice compared to the cold windy air outside. By the time we finished swimming, the moon was peaking through the clouds. 32 laps, I think--I lost count and added a couple for good measure.
Dinner was especially good, perhaps because I was so hungry. When a runner's blood sugar drops and the runner is fatigued, it is called "hitting the wall." Same scenario with a cyclist is called "bonking." What do you call it when a swimmer crashes? There must be a term out there for that somewhere. If not, perhaps I could call it... 'drowning?' JE says--"Floundering." I think he wins.
Tia's Cesar Salad
Coddle one egg (chase it with a spoon around in boiling water for a couple of minutes)
Crack egg into a large bowl along with
5 cloves of garlic, crushed and minced finely,
3 anchovy fillets, minced (or about 1 Tb anchovy paste)
Blend with a whisk.
Add:
Juice of 1-2 lemons
2 Tb Worcestershire sauce
1.5 tsp dried mustard
Whisk like mad and slowly slowly slowly add up to 1 cup of good tasting olive oil. Stop whisking when you get an emulsion. Dressing is ready to go!
Add to bowl:
2 cups crunchy croutons
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
toss together and then add:
1-2 heads romaine lettuce
Toss well and serve immediately.
This salad serves a crowd. When I make it for JE and I, I bottle and refrigerate most of the dressing, and eat it within 3 days.
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