The are things I'm learning about my father that I had no idea of in my previous life with him. Number one: he is a night owl. Number two: he likes to stay up late, chatting. It's really fun and nice to have him here, but at some point, I need my shut down time. I need to be able to put this well of thoughts onto paper--so to speak. It helps me feel that my life has some sort of organization and process.
Starting in the middle of something has always been difficult for me. When faced with an ugly alteration, I'd so much rather begin fresh and new. But fathers don't come fresh or new. As I try to learn as much as I can about how to help him manage this disease, I am faced with the reality that it is his disease. There are certain elements that he claims he has never heard before; like the link to kidney disease or balancing carbs, fats and proteins to achieve a blood glucose level below 200, or a sliding scale for an insulin dosage. But it is tough for me to believe that in all the time he has been dealing with this problem he hasn't heard of these things. I'll call his doctor Monday and find out a few things about her plan for him and how I can help.
We spend a good portion of the day at Crystal Cove watching dolphins swim around the newly placed lobster traps. Dad went into the water, cold though it was. As he was coming out, the surf swelled. He dove under the first big wave and began to make his way back out. He is a slow moving person. With his back to the oncoming swells, he had no idea that a wave twice as tall as he was about to knock him over. It pummeled him. He used the surf to get back to shore, but once he was in the shallows he couldn't stand on his own. He was elbow deep in water, but laughed when the first thing I did was pull up the back of his pants when JE and I went to his rescue. We got him to his feet again. Poor guy! Not much worse for wear, but he laughed about it all afternoon.
I have this ideal about what my diet should look like: lean proteins, whole grains, no sugary sweets, loads of fresh vegetables. Most of the time I think I do fairly well with this. But this week with dad here, has opened my eyes to the truth. Anything I eat, he will eat; so I have had to get strategic with my food. There are a lot of little things I do that he cannot, and perhaps I should not if I wish to maintain my current state of health. My peanut butter and honey on multigrain bread for my mid afternoon snack isn't ok for dad, not when he tells me his blood glucose is 280!
I just can't figure out how to help him get a grasp on what normal blood glucose should feel like.
JE and I ran tonight, 4 miles. The first two were fine. The last two I ran from bridge to bridge, allowing myself to feel scared at the thought of loosing toes, feet, feeling, eyesight because of diabetes. Today is a week without sugar--there are some very powerful inspirations to help me with that one.
Gratitudes:
1) my toes, all ten. Even though they give me grief sometimes.
2) my sweet pancreas.
3) a sweet spouse who sits up and talks with dad while I escape to write
4) an ever positive father
5) books, the internet, and the expertise of so many who have shared how to handle this disease
6) wise words from JE tonight: set little goals, just like when we were training for races
I can do that...
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