I feel almost like I'm starting from scratch again. After nearly three months of bed rest with another failed pregnancy and a trip to the emergency room to take care the inexplicable amount of pain I was in as I miscarried, I find myself having a difficult time getting back into the swing.

Thursday, I swam a mile and a bit. Friday, I ran five miles, and ran it in good time. Now, I'm trying to break myself of a nasty little habit I'm trying not to develop, namely: potato chip addiction. After surgery, I couldn't get me head back around, I was fainting at every turn. My doctor had me back on bed rest, not the place I wanted to be at that point, too much thinking. But after I started eating chips, good, salty chips, I started to come around again. My head cleared and Ive been feeling better: physically and emotionally. However, this isn't a long term cure. Actually perhaps part of the malady. So...

So, I am in the midst of planning my week and figure that this blog really helped my accountability in the past. One of the things I wanted most to do while I was confined to not being able to do anything, was to run, workout, swim, lift weights and work on getting in shape. Instead, I watched with great satisfaction as my waistline disappeared and my muscle tone went away.

Our travel plans for my birthaversary went away. Thank goodness JE bought travel insurance on a whim. We were able to get back all but a hundred dollars. The worst part is that we sat in the doctors office, learning that there was no longer a heartbeat at precisely the time we were to take off from LAX.

But I'm Ok. Surprisingly so. My heart broke, but is mending well and more soundly than I would have expected. I just need to figure out what to do with this amazing amount of time I've got this summer. I am learning to stay focused and concentrate. There are goals in my life, things I've neglected, and now, right now, this moment, I will revisit those things and make a plan to achieve them.

I will also check out some nutrition plans. Food is tricky. I'm happy to have it, but need some regulation in it. Not a stringently, but I want to feel my best and strongest. What is the plan of attack for that? I'm not sure. But I will work on it this week and let you know. I'll also make a plan for the week for fitness. Do I still want my marathon? Do I want to get better and fast in a triathlon? Do I want to do an open water swim? The only goal I actually know is that I want to be lean and strong. Lean comes from diet, strength comes from me and how much I am willing to workout.

I am nothing, if not phoenix. Burn me to cinder, and I still bank coal.