Day 248: Discipline

The last time I rode with DA, we had several very pertinent conversations, things that I have been mulling over in my mind for the last week and some. When I told him about my swim, he told me that there is a scientific explanation for my response to the water. Apparently, as some athletes get into the cool water, it triggers a fear response--something a bit primal. He also said that there was a trick for it. Enter the water 5 minutes before the race and acclimate your body to the cooler temperature. My response to this was that the whole thing is a mind game. All that mental toughness is what makes people do triathlons.

Another thing we discussed was discipline. This is something I think a lot about. My feeling is that my happiness hinges on my own discipline and how readily I adhere to the things I know I should be doing. Things like waking up early, making lists of things I need to get done and doing them, exercise, cleaning, bill paying, eating healthy, saving money, working on something (and earning what I need to earn), fulfilling promises or agreements. If I procrastinate or ignore those things, I find myself unhappy. Unhappiness is a nasty little spiral stairway that can plunge straight to hell.

Today I woke up feeling great. It was 6 am, my body's natural waking point. I rode with JE to his work (in the car) and then took off around the Back Bay on his bike.

His bike is a custom baby blue Surley cyclocross with a honey colored Brooks saddle and brown handlebar tape. The ergonomics are amazing to ride. My bike is so upright, his bike demands a long reach. By the end of my 25 miles, my deltoids were on fire. The first 18 miles, I just relaxed and enjoyed the smooth flow of the bike, getting to know its configurations and components. The last 6 miles of my ride, I opened up and found that speed I have been lacking in my rides on my bike. It is the bike. There is both relief and a bit of sadness in that statement. I love my bike, but she is slow!

I took a little break at a park overlooking the back bay. The tide was out, so the only water was a river coming straight down the middle between muddy flats. When I first saw the coyote, she was pacing the shore near the wide river. Eventually, she waded out and continued pacing. Then she started swimming for the opposite shore. Egrets and cormorants were swooping low and circling, screeching their worst swears at the invading predator. When she reached the other side, she swam back and forth, looking for safe mooring, but the birds were standing sentinel all along the shore, refusing admittance. She stayed out in the water for quite a while, so long that I lost track of her. When I looked back, she was nowhere to be seen.

The rest of the day, I spent making a guitar case for JE's base, so he can safely haul the thing around to band practice, etc. He loves it. A length of bright and beautiful handmade embroidery from Uzbekistan runs the length of the case on one side and loaned itself for external pockets. I am pleased with it.

Tonight, we swam as the sun set. It was a fun swim, with the challenges of a speed lap every 4 laps. My best time was 43 seconds for 40 yards. This is a 6 second drop for the same distance. My average pace was a 50 second lap. All of my in between laps, I spent trying to reduce my strokes per lap-lengthening and pivoting in the water. It feels good to swim like that!

Day 247: Rest Day

what do you do when you just feel burnt out? I've been working so hard for so long. I do not want to slide backwards, I think that is key. Remember why I am doing this:

I want to be fit
I want to have a cement goal to reach toward
I want the confidence that comes with this sort of work

Before I left on my cycle-tour, friend BC warned that when I returned, I would probably go through a sort of withdraw depression. Actually, I got slammed with it pretty hard back then and when I started to come back out is when I decided to fulfill my goal of triathlon. Yes, I think this is what is happening again, but this time, my arsenal is still full. Last summer, I ran out of road, this year, I still have training everywhere and anywhere. The trick it to haul myself up and out of the house to get it done. The whole thing is totally exacerbated by not having a job lined up for the summer.

Plan for the week:

Monday: Bike to work with JE--in my hardest gear, because that is all I have. Swim--Speed intervals 1600 yards
Weighted lunges, squats, sit ups, pushups with a short run (1.5 miles) to warm up
Dinner: Leek and potato soup with grilled cheese sandwiches

Tuesday: Bike to work with JE. Run--recovery 4 miles
PM: club Nike
Dinner: Spaghetti with red sauce

Wednesday: Bike if possible, otherwise, run. Swim--recovery 1200 yards
Weighted lunges, squats, sit ups, pushups with a short run (1.5 miles) to warm up
Dinner: Stir fry with chicken and rice

Thursday: Bike if possible. Run--Speed 4.5 miles
PM:Yoga
Dinner: Vegetarian Chili and corn bread

Friday: Bike if possible. Run--distance 6.5 miles
Weighted lunges, squats, sit ups, pushups with a short run (1.5 miles) to warm up
Dinner: With friends

Saturday: Long swim--52 laps/2080 yards
Dinner: With Gram in San Diego

Day 246:

Feeling a little thwarted these days, with the car still in the shop. The engine has been replaced, but the car still has no power. It could be the catalytic converter... Big, expensive, ugly. Ugh.

My bike came out and went back into the shop today, too. The rear wheel needed re-spoking and the chain was replaced. Unfortunately, the rear cassette and middle chain ring need to be replaced now, too. Found this out, after a 30 mile ride was decreased to a 3 mile ride up and back from Shady Canyon.

There are so many bright sides to this. It's an amazing thing that as I feel the free-fall of unemployment, there are kind people there to assist however they can. Thanks Josh, for taking on my wheel to re-spoke it. There probably isn't a more capable person for the job in all of Orange County, and I am so grateful for that kind service. Thanks Boyd for buying my cookies. Thanks David for buying my pies. Thanks JE for working so hard for our life together. People are good and kind.

Shifting focus from the negative to being able to see the positive, takes so much work sometimes. Lack of sleep does not help the effort. I lay in bed until around 4 am last night, without sleeping, and have been up since 8. Time for sleeping and beating away these blues.

Day 245:

I don't think I have ever gotten the house party ready in such a quick period of time, as I did this morning. The grad students from the UCI costume program came over this morning for what was meant to be a pool part, but only ever blossomed into a tree-house party (my name for my my second floor condo overlooking a treed green belt). It was a lovely event. One of my favorite sandwiches is curried egg salad (just add a bit of curry powder to the egg salad without any mustard). Nice. It was good to see them, it was good to have a party--it has been a couple years.

My bike is almost ready. It has been at the shop some of the week, but I had it for a little while with strict instructions to not go too far from home on it. Very inhibiting instructions. My total mileage so far this week is 21 miles, mostly running. How cool is that? 6 strong and liberating miles tonight under the stars. It is great to be alive!

Weights and core strengthening stuff as well. feeling my muscles in my legs, feels good.

Day 244: Finders Keepers

As I entered the gym in my community, a small solarium with a few free weight stands, treadmills and an elliptical machine, I heard one of the 3 men there talking workout in a voice that was meant to be heard by all of us. Not wanting to be part of it, I plugged into my music and ran a mile on the treadmill. (I hate treadmills. Why bother having them in a place that has sunshine on average 340 days per year where the temperature seldom drops below 50 degrees?) Afterward, I picked up the ten pound weights and did some lunges and squats. Mr. Chatty looked at me and said, "that's what I should have done!" Right, instead he laid face up, on the bench with his legs above his head, spread eagle--wearing short running shorts. Perhaps I should change his name to Mr. WILL-BE-HEARD-and-seen. A short while late, he started running on the treadmill which overlooks a green space. He was non-stop beratement of everyone who passed by. Finally, sick of hearing him, I told him that he oozes negativity. And guess what he did in his defense? Oozed more, with worse language. No surprise there. Eventually I told him (in not so many word) to just shut up--it was more like, 'I came here to workout, not listen to you go on and on.' He did shut up, by the way.

I firmly believe that you find what you look for. In his case, all he could see in our community is the dysfunction of the Home Owners Association. And while I do admit that our HOA is a bit whacked out,I see a group of condos that are fairly well maintained and quiet. All he saw, looking out that window, was lack of this that and the other.

About half an hour later, I jumped in the pool. The sun was bright and cast a million fractured rainbows onto the bottom of the pool.

Today was a long swim, I swam 40 laps in the 25 yard pool. A total of 2,000 yards. To make things interesting, I tried to slow my pace, reach further and take as few strokes as possible to cross the pool. I have been swimming 21 strokes per length, that is 7 breaths from one end of the pool to the other. My average-slow long haul- lap was around 1:08 seconds. Using this new technique, I was able to swim the length of the pool using 5 breaths, with 16 strokes per length in 58 seconds. It wasn't consistent, but it was breakthrough stuff with so much less effort.

Oh, the baking business. I am being humbled. this morning, I was able to make cookies for an order in no time flat. I put them in the oven and discovered that I hadn't quite gotten my recipe doubled in the correct proportions. I ended up with cookies that look and taste more like a chocolate chip biscuit. That was an awful feeling, knowing how much my ingredients cost and that I would have to buy them all over again. My margin of error is huge right now, such a stupid mistake. I am trying not to make that margin any bigger by allowing myself to feel like I am not allowed a margin of error. I keep reminding myself of when I started sewing... Whew, there is some terrible junk in the world made by my hands!

Day 243: Burnt

When making caramel, it is important that the high ratio of sugar to water becomes a clear liquid before it is allowed to come to a boil. This ensures the sugar crystals have dissolved and will not become grainy in the cooled liquid. Once the sugar dissolves, boil it until the liquid starts to change color. Slide on and off the heat to allow the color to change slowly (it goes quite rapidly, otherwise and will scorch and become unusable in no time flat). Keep it going until you achieve a deep golden amber, then remove it from the heat and get it out of the pan quickly to use in your recipe.

Almost every good thing comes at a cost, whether that cost is time, commitment, work or whatever. For about 9 months I have been training my body to go faster, longer, better and harder. Recently, I did some self analysis and discovered some areas I need to improve. Rearranging my focus, I plan on building my training program to make me stronger, thereby making me faster. My schedule is to run everyday, and I added more weights to the mix. I wanted to wake each morning with salutations to the sun, but it is too much, too soon and I feel toppled like one of my rock stacks. I feel nigh unto burn out. Yoga is about balance, and I am out of balance right now.

Slide me off the heat for a little while and I will be fine. I have decided to allow myself a little time before my next event--in September. I'd like to see what I can achieve between now and then as far as my goals go. I have a good sturdy base, I want to build speed into that base and I have a plan to do that. I will regain my yoga, but not as a daily event, not right now. I just need to feel joy in training, again.

Ran my 4 miles today, light and easy, down at Crystal cove. It was an amazing night with a high surf. Some waves reached the treeline. For dinner, I made fresh green enchilada sauce from tomatillos and pasilla chiles, and cooked the chicken in it, and served it on whole wheat tortillas with guacamole and corn chips. We ate it at the beach, overlooking the Great Pacific from a picnic on the edge of a bluff.



I sort of failed my swim, tonight. I'll swim tomorrow, maybe. Sliding off the heat...

Day 242: the Chase

Somehow I forgot to set my alarm. I woke at five. Far too early to
actually get out of bed, not when sleep came so reluctantly last
night. When I woke the second time, it was closer to eight than I
would have liked. I got dressed quickly and headed to the bakery,
feeling tired and grumpy that I had missed my first day of sun
salutations.

At the bakery, I learned that it is actually only the 31st of May.
Tomorrow is my really first day.

I'm not feeling terribly committed to much right now. The baker who
owns the place does not have a terribly high standard for his products
and was telling me that I should use mixes instead of all scratch and
butter.

Did you know that you cam buy Danishes that are defrost and bake
things made with hydrogenated oils? Most butter-cream frosting comes in
5 gallon buckets? As do cherry filling, apple filling, chocolate
filling and even custards. All preprocessed in some factory somewhere.

We have all become so used to buying cheap food that we don't question
where it comes from or what is in it. At least most of the general
public.

When someone does something extraordinary, and marketable it goes on
the map. When that something has to do with food, people hold onto
that map and seek out that thing. I call it destination dining. I have
driven 45 miles (and beyond) for dinner on the recommendation of a
friend or magazine.

That's what I want my bakery to be. But for now, I'm learning about
what I want and some things about marketing.

I'm feeling really physically drained this week. I ran 4 miles and did
my sprint intervals, increasing in speed at each interval. My
imagination runs a bit wild sometimes, so I try to convince myself
that I am being chased. The code word to start sprinting is
'velociraptor!'

Weight training is fun, but sucks the next day...

Had dinner at one of my favorite restaurants, the Kettle with friend BC.

From a tiny little handheld piece of technology with more power than
O'Hera would have known what to do with AKA iPhone