I feel almost like I'm starting from scratch again. After nearly three months of bed rest with another failed pregnancy and a trip to the emergency room to take care the inexplicable amount of pain I was in as I miscarried, I find myself having a difficult time getting back into the swing.

Thursday, I swam a mile and a bit. Friday, I ran five miles, and ran it in good time. Now, I'm trying to break myself of a nasty little habit I'm trying not to develop, namely: potato chip addiction. After surgery, I couldn't get me head back around, I was fainting at every turn. My doctor had me back on bed rest, not the place I wanted to be at that point, too much thinking. But after I started eating chips, good, salty chips, I started to come around again. My head cleared and Ive been feeling better: physically and emotionally. However, this isn't a long term cure. Actually perhaps part of the malady. So...

So, I am in the midst of planning my week and figure that this blog really helped my accountability in the past. One of the things I wanted most to do while I was confined to not being able to do anything, was to run, workout, swim, lift weights and work on getting in shape. Instead, I watched with great satisfaction as my waistline disappeared and my muscle tone went away.

Our travel plans for my birthaversary went away. Thank goodness JE bought travel insurance on a whim. We were able to get back all but a hundred dollars. The worst part is that we sat in the doctors office, learning that there was no longer a heartbeat at precisely the time we were to take off from LAX.

But I'm Ok. Surprisingly so. My heart broke, but is mending well and more soundly than I would have expected. I just need to figure out what to do with this amazing amount of time I've got this summer. I am learning to stay focused and concentrate. There are goals in my life, things I've neglected, and now, right now, this moment, I will revisit those things and make a plan to achieve them.

I will also check out some nutrition plans. Food is tricky. I'm happy to have it, but need some regulation in it. Not a stringently, but I want to feel my best and strongest. What is the plan of attack for that? I'm not sure. But I will work on it this week and let you know. I'll also make a plan for the week for fitness. Do I still want my marathon? Do I want to get better and fast in a triathlon? Do I want to do an open water swim? The only goal I actually know is that I want to be lean and strong. Lean comes from diet, strength comes from me and how much I am willing to workout.

I am nothing, if not phoenix. Burn me to cinder, and I still bank coal.

Planes, trains and...

Don't give up on me. I'm still around and doing the things I love most in life.

It's been a bit busy and lazy, all at once. While my long runs have been minimized to short comfortable distances, my hip is recovering and feeling better and better. My swims are interesting. Recently, I joined a masters swim series; to which I've gone exactly once. It was shocking to go from swimming a twenty yard length to a fifty yard length. I learned about synchronizing laps with other swimmers, doing various drills, and got a lot of pointers on improving my technique.

We finally decided and purchased a birthday/anniversary getaway, though it won't be exactly on my birthday. I can deal. I'd sacrifice a lot to go to Croatia AND Paris! Dream trip, it involves planes, boats, trains, and snorkel gear. I feel like such a spoiled brat, but 40 only happens once, so I may as well celebrate.

We visited my Gram today. She is still doing poorly and called my aunt down from mammoth to be with her. Poor lady.

Stitches

Ive been strapped to my sewing machine, with a big project. Fortunately, I am able to work at home. It's nice to be home with the sun shining though the windows, and a cat lazily sharing my space. It's a load off to not be at my previous post, and I feel like I'm finally finding my feet again.

Chiropracty has helped immensely. So many of my muscles have been so tied up in knots, that when I ran, they wouldn't move--they just help tight. Since I started this, my hip rarely hurts, and my miles are easier. Lovely. Stretching properly--in the form of a lunge for some of it, has also been hugely beneficial.

Today, with perfect running weather and low temperatures, I felt like I could have run forever. I ran a solid five miles, then realized I had a lunch date and started my trip back. I got half way back and asked JE if he would mind picking me up during his lunch break, because I was still further out than I would have had time to run, and for the first time in a very long time, my side was stitched.

Perfect timing. I mean, perfect. I even got a shower at home before I left to meet her.

Fun luch, complete with dolphin (swimming out in the sea, not on my plate) at Las Brisas in Laguna beach.

When I was passing through Tomales Bay, on my bike tour, I saw a group of google mappers gathered at a pn oyster bar. They were smll cars with multi eyed cameras mounted on top, telescoping a dozen feet in the air. My sister sent me this link, yesterday.

Sneaking

For a while now, I've been wanting to find a vice. Not much appeals to me in the way of drugs or alcohol. Ibuprofen is about all I can stomach. Gambling and cheating are out, as I wear my heart on my sleeve and can't lie to save my life. Anything outside of my marriage would destroy me emotionally. In all this thinking about wanting a vice, I started to realize that I've been regemintally eliminating some of my most creative outlets. Planning dinners, planning my evenings and weekends with workouts. Perhaps it was the sneaky trip to LA with JE, or the dinner I cooked-- no recipe and completely unplanned--the way I used to cook, that made me realize how much I miss these quiet and achievable bits of creativity.

Life is easier, when I have some things planned, but my creativity needs to go somewhere. I need to find that outlet, and fast.

I sneaked a run this evening. It felt so good. Just five miles. In all this chiropracty and kinesiology, I've learned something about the way I run. I'm taking steps to correct a simple mistake, and discovering some speed and endurance I didn't know I had. My hip pain is caused by my feet collapsing down on my extremely high arches. Generally, I thought I ran fairly neutral, but I think as I get tired over longer distances, my feet start caving in. This would explain a lot, including why my right shoe starts hitting my left inner ankle bone after so many miles. Orthotics should enter the running picture soon, to give my sneakers a bit more support.

Physical

It was an interesting doctor visit, this morning. I'm not sure I've heard the word "perfect" used in regards to my health, ever. We went over my bloodwork and that was the term my doc used repeatedly to describe my liver, kidney, thyroid function. As well as all of my cholesterol, sugars, and salts. All systems are perfect. No sign of anemia, or other lack. I've never had a doctor tell me that I could go to In and Out and eat a cheeseburger, fries and a shake. Pretty cool. I've worked really hard on that. But I'd rather have a crab dipped in drawn butter.

Monday, I went to JE's chiropractor and was adjusted. He is an adjuster, not a bone crusher. It was great, followed by some deep tissue massage and a follow up adjustment. Worth the time. The deep tissue massage is something I've wanted to have for a while, but hadn't found anyone who did anything akin to deep tissue. My shoulders and hips are feeling so much better. I'm not running this week, just swimming and cycling. That mania can wait a bit. I'll do some short runs next week and see how it goes.

My swim today was bright and light. I spent most of my time focusing on the mechanics of swimming, and trying to gain as much length in my torso and legs as possible. One and a quarter nautical miles in about thirty eight minutes. Funny how when I slow down and focus on form, I usually speed up. There are dorm decent adult swim classes around. I'd like to go and try that out.

It's interesting how something can change so much in only a year. Last year, I was working in the shop I'm currently at and so happy to be there. It was light and fun, and I really enjoyed the work--even though it was a bit unorganized. This year, I'm working on the same dance show, but things have gotten out of hand. I'll save you the gory details, but it's so bad, that when I get home from work, all I want to do is crawl into bed. But I usually don't. After dinner, I lay in the middle of the living room floor, bemoaning my state of fatigue and wondering how on earth I'm going to remove myself off the floor and get myself into bed. I've been running and even commuting by bike to work, but my swim disappeared this week. It was replaced by overtime and a pathetic attitude.

What am I doing? I never thought I would hate what I do. Is it just this shop?

Ran today. 15 miles, but the last three were halted by a bum leg. It's getting worse.

JE went to see a chiropractor this week. Tis is hopeful stuff. One of his coworkers recommended him, as he is a specialist to get runners moving faster and more symmetrical. I'm going as soon as this show is up!

Go suck lemons!

It's a funny thing: as I run, I'm writing. Proseful, enlightened, intelligent thoughts. When I finally sit down to capture my day, I'm often just too tired to worry about it.

The ground was wet with rain, this morning as I set out. JE came with me to my early morning appointment. As part of a multifaceted physical, I had some advanced imaging done this morning. That was the worst part of my day. JE took me to breakfast, dimsum at Capital Seafood in Diamond Jamboree. Those were the best shumai I've ever had. And I'll admit that we went to 85c and got bread. Multigrain with walnuts and raisins (and sugar in there by the buckets, I'm sure). It was the perfect breakfast to go set a new distance record. Fifteen miles! We ran happy, sucking on lemons from the lemons grove during the long stretches between drinking fountains.

We've been sucking lemons for a couple of weeks, now. The lemons act as little pouches of über thirst quenching juice. When rolled around in hand and pinched within an inch of its life, the juice is released from the pockets and a quick bite on the end unleashes all that goodness straight up. Last week, on our fun run, we sat in the grove, sucking lemons, watching a blimp fly down near Santiago Canyon the disappear as it headed out toward the coast. I'm not sure who is flying that thing, but I need on it! Life list, right there. It wasn't the Goodyear blimp, either!

Last Saturday, I didn't even want to run. My body has been under a load of stress, and has been revolting when I threaten any distance. It's just nerves, I tell myself and push forward anyway. So last week, I set a limit: run eight and enjoy it. Eight is no small fete but completely doable. And so we ran. All weekend, we lounged around and just took some time to reconnect to each other, our home, and our estranged cats. It was the first truly relaxing weekend we'd had together in months.

As I alluded earlier, I found a doctor. Finding the right doctor is akin to dating, I think. I have certain expectations and hopes. I take those to the doc's office and hopefully ask the right questions to discovering if this person and her opinions, practice, and expertise is something I could live with for the next so many years. My expectation was that this doc was old school enough to prescribe drugs as a last resort, not a quick fix. Check. My hope was that she would be compassionate and as caring as insurance companies allow her to be. Check. She blew me away. She listened to my complaint, talked to me about it, resolves my concerns in a compassionate manner. When I told her my previous doctor had only prescribed a muscle relaxer, she said, " Oh, that's not what you need. We need to get you into physical therapy so we can treat this old injury and allow it to heal." She, too, is a runner.

Recently, to help with my post run pain, I've been wading out into the unheated pool in my area and walking around for twenty minutes. The water is incredibly clear and cold. I am usually out there wading up to my waist, my upper half shrouded in my warm blue fuzzy fleece. I look ridiculous but, it seems to work fairly well.

Gram's tomorrow. She hasn't been well and it is affecting her spirits. We are borrowing our neighbor's small dog to take to visit her. She will love it.