As I pulled the car into the garage this morning, a song came on the radio: Back to the Old House by the Smiths. Sort of the perfect song to reflect on past friendships and really appreciate my life as it is now.
My freshman year of college was amazing. Through a series of chance meetings, I met several people who changed my life. That is what friends are for, perhaps. Ocean, my beautiful friend and cohort in whimsical fashion. Jay, my fun loving stalwart friend. And Erik, playfully loud, and brilliantly funny; who loved Morrissey, and who I couldn't help but get so stupidly shy around. Of all the people in the world, these were whom I wanted to spend my time.
Twenty one years ago, on this date, Jay and Ocean and I went to the park. It was the first really springlike day in south eastern Idaho, and we celebrated by swinging on swings, blowing bubbles, running barefoot on the still cold grass. We were surprised to find dandelions in the yellow lawn. Ocean and I picked handfuls of them to take to Erik. He was surprised, of course, but always the gentleman. We invited him to go dancing, but he declined. He had been aloof for a while.
Later, around two in the morning, Jay knocked on my door to tell me that Erik had died. He had shot himself.
The year following Erik's death was a rough one for me. There were no easy answers and it took a long time to get through grief. I remember the day, perhaps a year and a half afterward, thinking to myself: Oh, I haven't thought about Erik today, and feeling that guilty relief that marked the passage of time.
Time travel through the years: people come and go in my life and I see into them and love them. Jay and I chat occasionally via the internet. I am god-mother to Ocean's seven sweet children. There are dozens and dozens of other people I have been inspired by, who have influenced me, and who I influence.
Perhaps my lesson from that experience with Erik: appreciate my life and share it with others. Live wide open to all possibilities and love what comes. Life is precious, as are the people in it. The difficult times make me stronger, I am stronger than I think--I have and will survive tough things. Life is about finding joy in the journey, even on the rocky roads--just don't dwell on the rocks too long.
We woke early and left, by car for a park on the trail around the back bay. It was still dark, but got lighter as we traveled. We were several miles in by bike, when JE called a halt. A spoke on his back wheel broke--brand new bike! Thanks to Josh, I knew now that, yah, you can ride on a broken spoke, just unleash the brake and ride carefully.
From JE's work, I ran along the trail-2 miles up, 2 back, with the same scenario as yesterday with my tendinitis. Perhaps it is going away and getting better as I get stronger.
Swimming tonight: We trudged up the hill to the pool as the black clouds above us gave way. We were soaked before we got into the pool, which felt so warm and nice compared to the cold windy air outside. By the time we finished swimming, the moon was peaking through the clouds. 32 laps, I think--I lost count and added a couple for good measure.
Dinner was especially good, perhaps because I was so hungry. When a runner's blood sugar drops and the runner is fatigued, it is called "hitting the wall." Same scenario with a cyclist is called "bonking." What do you call it when a swimmer crashes? There must be a term out there for that somewhere. If not, perhaps I could call it... 'drowning?' JE says--"Floundering." I think he wins.
Tia's Cesar Salad
Coddle one egg (chase it with a spoon around in boiling water for a couple of minutes)
Crack egg into a large bowl along with
5 cloves of garlic, crushed and minced finely,
3 anchovy fillets, minced (or about 1 Tb anchovy paste)
Blend with a whisk.
Add:
Juice of 1-2 lemons
2 Tb Worcestershire sauce
1.5 tsp dried mustard
Whisk like mad and slowly slowly slowly add up to 1 cup of good tasting olive oil. Stop whisking when you get an emulsion. Dressing is ready to go!
Add to bowl:
2 cups crunchy croutons
1 cup grated Parmesan cheese
toss together and then add:
1-2 heads romaine lettuce
Toss well and serve immediately.
This salad serves a crowd. When I make it for JE and I, I bottle and refrigerate most of the dressing, and eat it within 3 days.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Day 188: Passive Resistance
At 22, I went to a concert with a friend. It was a smallish venue in Seattle, Ned's Atomic Dustbin was playing. Security was all around the place, with a 3 foot high barrier 3 feet from the stage. With the concert in motion, people dancing and singing with the songs they knew, I straddled the barrier between the crowd and the stage, mounted the stage and cast myself off into, or onto the crowd below. I drifted across the crowd, on my back, handed from one group to another and placed gently on the periphery of the crowd. Working my way back through the crowd of dancing people, I did this same thing a few more times during the 2 hour concert. At the end of the night, a security guard told me it was strictly prohibited by the venue to crowd surf.
Tuesday evening, at the pool, there was a large group of men who commandeered the hot tub. They were loud, drinking and smoking, though it is clearly marked those things were not allowed. I asked JE what he thought about that. That was the first time we spoke about passive resistance.
A friend of mine was telling me that because he has metal parts in his body, he inevitably gets stopped at security in the airport. So... He wore a heavy winter coat and was told to take it off before he went through the metal detector. Under the coat, he wore only a Speedo. Security flipped out, and tried to make him put his coat back on; which he did, once he was through the detector.
This evening, as we were cycling home, JE asked if I wanted to try out the new bike trail. Yes, indeedy, please! He led me on a path that dead ended in a six foot fence which was wired shut with a small bit of wire. He unwound the wire and slipped his bike through, explaining that the trail was scheduled for completion in November... 2010. We did the same thing through three gates, until we were walking our cycles over a stretch of gravel toward the new cycling bridge. The trail isn't complete, it seems to be missing 20 feet of asphalt. What on earth could take that long???
I seem to be having a battle of wills with my crazy Achilles tendon. We both seem to want the exact opposite of what the other wants. My ankle wants me to be immobile, non-running and frail. I want to run, to be strong, and to live boldly. My run this morning began very painfully; more like hopping along on tiptoe. Eventually the tendon stopped hurting. Running became fun, sort of a game (I was plugged in and the song "Kiss with a Fist," by Florence and the Machines was playing. It is a great running song). Four miles, pain free after the first quarter mile. And afterward, that doggone passive resistance from my ankle. Peace talks include ice, elevation and long hours in front of the computer making a business plan.
Tuesday evening, at the pool, there was a large group of men who commandeered the hot tub. They were loud, drinking and smoking, though it is clearly marked those things were not allowed. I asked JE what he thought about that. That was the first time we spoke about passive resistance.
A friend of mine was telling me that because he has metal parts in his body, he inevitably gets stopped at security in the airport. So... He wore a heavy winter coat and was told to take it off before he went through the metal detector. Under the coat, he wore only a Speedo. Security flipped out, and tried to make him put his coat back on; which he did, once he was through the detector.
This evening, as we were cycling home, JE asked if I wanted to try out the new bike trail. Yes, indeedy, please! He led me on a path that dead ended in a six foot fence which was wired shut with a small bit of wire. He unwound the wire and slipped his bike through, explaining that the trail was scheduled for completion in November... 2010. We did the same thing through three gates, until we were walking our cycles over a stretch of gravel toward the new cycling bridge. The trail isn't complete, it seems to be missing 20 feet of asphalt. What on earth could take that long???
I seem to be having a battle of wills with my crazy Achilles tendon. We both seem to want the exact opposite of what the other wants. My ankle wants me to be immobile, non-running and frail. I want to run, to be strong, and to live boldly. My run this morning began very painfully; more like hopping along on tiptoe. Eventually the tendon stopped hurting. Running became fun, sort of a game (I was plugged in and the song "Kiss with a Fist," by Florence and the Machines was playing. It is a great running song). Four miles, pain free after the first quarter mile. And afterward, that doggone passive resistance from my ankle. Peace talks include ice, elevation and long hours in front of the computer making a business plan.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Day 187: Spokes
Before I knew I shouldn't ride on broken spokes, I rode on broken spokes a lot. This practice ended up with me handing over a large chunk of change to have a new wheel built. This same wheel stayed true for 1,100 miles down the coast, only to break a spoke in a motel room in Solvang where JE met me for his birthday. This wasn't discovered until JE was about to drop me off at the train station in Santa Barbara where he had picked me up 3 days earlier. It was really early and he was trying to get back to OC for work. Using our magic little mobile technological devices, we located a bike shop. They wouldn't open their doors for another 2 hours, though the employees were arriving as we pulled in. JE was opting to stick around, but I begged him to leave me, knowing that I would get faster attention if I, a lone woman cycle-tourist, were sitting on their curb looking utterly pathetic. Within 15 minutes of JE leaving, the owner of the shop ushered me in and offered me coffee and doughnuts. They fixed my bike and I was on the road as the shop was opening in earnest. Kind strangers, thank you!
Tonight, as we made our way around the Back Bay, we were rolling down a hill when I heard a loud pop on my rear wheel. JE finished the loop back to the car and headed back to pick me up. I trotted along making the most of my time, enjoying the neighborhood I was in (the same neighborhood where my grandparents moved when they settled in California, and where John Wayne made his home), and practiced running with my bike (I am so bruised!). This is the second spoke to break in a week and some.
Swimming: I couldn't find my proper swim bottoms so I ended up dragging my voluminous swim trunks around (they are sort of way too big--what happened?). Good grief! Got an awesome upper body work out, however!
Tonight, as we made our way around the Back Bay, we were rolling down a hill when I heard a loud pop on my rear wheel. JE finished the loop back to the car and headed back to pick me up. I trotted along making the most of my time, enjoying the neighborhood I was in (the same neighborhood where my grandparents moved when they settled in California, and where John Wayne made his home), and practiced running with my bike (I am so bruised!). This is the second spoke to break in a week and some.
Swimming: I couldn't find my proper swim bottoms so I ended up dragging my voluminous swim trunks around (they are sort of way too big--what happened?). Good grief! Got an awesome upper body work out, however!
Monday, April 4, 2011
Day 186: Longing for Community
I was shocked this evening as we trotted around our neighborhood. No one was outside walking. This morning, as I zoomed around Irvine and Tustin on my bike, I saw many people out strolling. My thoughts turned to community and how being outside brings such a sense of belonging. There are so many I know out there in the broader community of cyclists and runners, but closer to home people don't seem to go out as much. Perhaps it is just a California thing, or perhaps it is a TV prime-time thing. Not sure... Any thoughts out there?
At this point, I feel like I could take a bow and play my hamstrings. They are tight as cello strings. Club Nike is kicking my butt. Not complaining, at all. Since our circuit training class ended, it is nice to have at least this.
My cycling route demanded diversification this morning. I had thought to go through Santiago canyon, but needed to do some prep work for my class tomorrow. All play and no work... I ended up in the hills above Tustin, roaming the neighborhoods, climbing and rolling out hills for 27 miles. I almost had a Maria moment... I can still feel that song sneaking out of my throat.
Running tonight felt really good. My ankle is still bunk (I am icing as we speak). It was a short run, only 3 miles and some change, but I ran different. When I observe runners who run with grace and efficiency, they are always running on the balls of their feet. I am trying to retrain myself to do this, and to open my gait, lift my heals. All of this is hard work. And it hurts. And it sucks. But just like with anything good, it is worth working for. Afterward, I felt so good! That is the point in all of this: to feel good, have fun, enjoy my life.
Tonight, the wind is coming straight off the Great Pacific. It feels cool and very fresh. As I ran, I heard a screech and watched as an owl landed in a tree. He must have found dinner, because of all the other chirping and squabbling up there.
Dinner was completely enjoyable. Falafel is so easy and fresh. I forget about making it. I also made tabouli using quioa instead of couscous--just to give it that added punch of protein. (My spell check doesn't seem to speak foodie)
JE has grown his beard again. When I asked him how long he is going to grow it, he said:
JE: Until I die. And when I get to heaven it will suddenly be twice as long
I: And God will say, 'Nice beard, John."
JE: And I will say, 'Right back at ya, Big Guy!'
I have nick-named JE, Bike-Beard
At this point, I feel like I could take a bow and play my hamstrings. They are tight as cello strings. Club Nike is kicking my butt. Not complaining, at all. Since our circuit training class ended, it is nice to have at least this.
My cycling route demanded diversification this morning. I had thought to go through Santiago canyon, but needed to do some prep work for my class tomorrow. All play and no work... I ended up in the hills above Tustin, roaming the neighborhoods, climbing and rolling out hills for 27 miles. I almost had a Maria moment... I can still feel that song sneaking out of my throat.
Running tonight felt really good. My ankle is still bunk (I am icing as we speak). It was a short run, only 3 miles and some change, but I ran different. When I observe runners who run with grace and efficiency, they are always running on the balls of their feet. I am trying to retrain myself to do this, and to open my gait, lift my heals. All of this is hard work. And it hurts. And it sucks. But just like with anything good, it is worth working for. Afterward, I felt so good! That is the point in all of this: to feel good, have fun, enjoy my life.
Tonight, the wind is coming straight off the Great Pacific. It feels cool and very fresh. As I ran, I heard a screech and watched as an owl landed in a tree. He must have found dinner, because of all the other chirping and squabbling up there.
Dinner was completely enjoyable. Falafel is so easy and fresh. I forget about making it. I also made tabouli using quioa instead of couscous--just to give it that added punch of protein. (My spell check doesn't seem to speak foodie)
JE has grown his beard again. When I asked him how long he is going to grow it, he said:
JE: Until I die. And when I get to heaven it will suddenly be twice as long
I: And God will say, 'Nice beard, John."
JE: And I will say, 'Right back at ya, Big Guy!'
I have nick-named JE, Bike-Beard
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Day 185: Rock Stacks
For the past couple days, my church has been broadcasting the general conference. It is always an uplifting and powerful experience to tune in and listen. We watched both sessions today, and all the sessions yesterday. It was beautiful.
I woke early and put a quiche in the oven to enjoy while we watched. Why is quiche so good? Because it is savory custard in pie form. It doesn't get much better.
This afternoon, we headed down to San Onofre State Beach. The location makes this beach surprisingly remote, though it is within 20 miles of millions of people. Today, we were the only people on the beach.
The tide was out, exposing all of those beautifully round, smooth stones--perfect stacking opportunity.
The trick with stacking is feeling the balance in the rock. As I start to place one rock on another, I can feel the rocks click into place. Each rock added to the stack is dependent on the balance of the rocks beneath it.
Sometimes, if a stack tumbles, it gives me an opportunity to stack afresh, find new points of balance that enable me to stack higher than the previous stack would allow.
This is an analogy for so many things in my life. But right now I am talking about training for this next triathlon. My balance in running is off kilter. I need to work on that, build it up again.
Plan for the week
Mon: AM: Club Nike (tone) and cycle to work
PM: run 5k,
Dinner:Baked falafel, Taziki, Tomatoes and cucumbers, Pita, Hummus w
beets
Tuesday: AM: cycle the back bay
PM: swim 25 laps, sets
Dinner: Vegetarian Indian curry with potatoes, garbanzos and squash
Basmati rice
Wednesday: AM: club Nike (lean) stretching, cycle to work.
PM: run 6K,
Dinner: Chinese chicken salad
Thursday: AM: cycle back bay
PM: swim 30 laps, sets
Dinner: Pasta w squash and veggies
Cesar salad
Friday AM: club Nike, cycle to work
PM run 7k
Dinner: Cheese Fondue (a special request by JE), Bread, Beet and
endive Salad
Movie night
Saturday: swim 32 laps
Garage sale (maybe)
Do something fun
Dinner: Taco salad or haystacks
I woke early and put a quiche in the oven to enjoy while we watched. Why is quiche so good? Because it is savory custard in pie form. It doesn't get much better.
This afternoon, we headed down to San Onofre State Beach. The location makes this beach surprisingly remote, though it is within 20 miles of millions of people. Today, we were the only people on the beach.
The tide was out, exposing all of those beautifully round, smooth stones--perfect stacking opportunity.
The trick with stacking is feeling the balance in the rock. As I start to place one rock on another, I can feel the rocks click into place. Each rock added to the stack is dependent on the balance of the rocks beneath it.
Sometimes, if a stack tumbles, it gives me an opportunity to stack afresh, find new points of balance that enable me to stack higher than the previous stack would allow.
This is an analogy for so many things in my life. But right now I am talking about training for this next triathlon. My balance in running is off kilter. I need to work on that, build it up again.
Plan for the week
Mon: AM: Club Nike (tone) and cycle to work
PM: run 5k,
Dinner:Baked falafel, Taziki, Tomatoes and cucumbers, Pita, Hummus w
beets
Tuesday: AM: cycle the back bay
PM: swim 25 laps, sets
Dinner: Vegetarian Indian curry with potatoes, garbanzos and squash
Basmati rice
Wednesday: AM: club Nike (lean) stretching, cycle to work.
PM: run 6K,
Dinner: Chinese chicken salad
Thursday: AM: cycle back bay
PM: swim 30 laps, sets
Dinner: Pasta w squash and veggies
Cesar salad
Friday AM: club Nike, cycle to work
PM run 7k
Dinner: Cheese Fondue (a special request by JE), Bread, Beet and
endive Salad
Movie night
Saturday: swim 32 laps
Garage sale (maybe)
Do something fun
Dinner: Taco salad or haystacks
Day 184:
Sleep is a wonderful thing. I slept enough to have dreams, last night and took 2 naps today. Lazy me. What an incredible thing.
We swam tonight. Mid way through my first short set, a fellow swimmer joined us. He was monotonous but sloppy in his technique. He was still swimming when we left.
JE was away most of the afternoon. He went to play music with a friend from work. I'm hoping he gets to do that more often, I know he loves to play and needs people to practice with.
Tally for the week:
Swimming: 2 miles (including warm up and cool down laps
Running: 2 miles (Fail!)
Cycling: 189.7 miles
We swam tonight. Mid way through my first short set, a fellow swimmer joined us. He was monotonous but sloppy in his technique. He was still swimming when we left.
JE was away most of the afternoon. He went to play music with a friend from work. I'm hoping he gets to do that more often, I know he loves to play and needs people to practice with.
Tally for the week:
Swimming: 2 miles (including warm up and cool down laps
Running: 2 miles (Fail!)
Cycling: 189.7 miles
Friday, April 1, 2011
Day 183: Flow and Cadence
"I've learned so much about swimming since my accident. I've learned that I rely on power and not on flow."
Most of my morning and early arvo, I spent with DA, my friend who also is sort of a mentor to me in the realm of triathlon. Five weeks ago he was peddling hard on a training ride, going 22 miles per hour, his arms stretched if front of him on Aero-Bars, a long way from his brakes. Six juveniles stepped out in front of him from the bushes. He called to them, and one stopped dead in his tracks, eyes connected with DA. There was no time to react, DA hit the kid full in the belly. DA was on the ground, unable to move and asking for help. One of the kids grabbed the hit kid and they all bolted, leaving DA injured on the ground begging for someone to call an ambulance. His lung was punctured, six ribs broken, fractured pelvis, and a broken collar bone. A nearby stranger came to the rescue and offered help. DA was taken to a nearby hospital and put into ICU. 3 days later, he started his training again. 10 minutes a day at first, then 20. Today was his longest ride in a while, about 25 miles. We rode to the site of the accident and chatted about how his training has changed to accommodate for his injuries. He swims 1500 yards, one armed. He was a bit gun shy as we rode into the crowd around Huntington Beach Pier. But he prevailed. He says the worst part of his injury is to his confidence. It was nice to ride with a friend.
Tuesday, while I was cycling with my French buddies, we came to the nasty little hill that leads out of the back bay. Gilles-the triathlete was instructing his coworker who spoke the least amount of English, how to best cycle this nasty little hill--instructing him in English. I was very close and listened for a bit, then cocky little me said: Race ya! And jammed up that hill so fast in my clip-less pedals and cycling shoes, my feet were flying. When I got to the top, I turned around to see where everyone was. In a fine French accent, I heard, "You spanked us!" from the other crew member whose wife is a TV producer and who lived in the US for 3 years--hence his impeccable English (it seems so funny that I should only remember Gilles name--I wouldn't have if the man who lived in the US introduced him as "Gilles, in your language that would be Giles." and then his playful, mocking laugh).
A few times during the day, Gilles gently made suggestions on ways to improve my cycling--step up my cadence ("Do you have a cadence computer?"), work on my flow, don't race on my bike. When I exclaimed that I love that bike, he said, "this is your heart-bike, but not for racing." Yes, Little Red is my heart-bike.
I've been trying to watch my flow and cadence, lighten my gear and quicken my pace. Most of the time, I ride hard, pushing with too much rather than spinning on a lighter gear. But there are times, when I feel the fluidity of my action, when my effort is completely efficient and the energy I expend reveals the maximum potential of the sum of the parts, my pedaling and the bike's components. It is so strange that achieving this requires so much mental work--focus and concentration, rather than the sloppy, all physical aspects of riding. It is all grace.
When I spoke with DA about working on my cadence, he said, "Do you have a cadence computer? Cadence is something you work for. You set a goal and work on it for 5 minutes, then begin increasing it." Same as everything--set a goal and work toward it. Today marks my half a year mark of setting this goal and working toward it.
One thing that really helps that feeling of flow, is to be literally connected to my bike--having my shoes connected to my pedals allow me to utilize the full rotation of the crank. Wednesday night after our ride around the Back Bay, JE and I drove out of the parking lot, leaving my only cycling shoes on the pavement.
Tonight we visited Josh at Irvine Bicycles and talked to him about new cycling shoes. He thinks I should get performance shoes--something with a stiffer sole, that will improve my cycling speed. I asked if it will help with my cadence. He asked if I have a cadence computer...
Today's ride: 57.4 miles, and some self induced circuit training.
Most of my morning and early arvo, I spent with DA, my friend who also is sort of a mentor to me in the realm of triathlon. Five weeks ago he was peddling hard on a training ride, going 22 miles per hour, his arms stretched if front of him on Aero-Bars, a long way from his brakes. Six juveniles stepped out in front of him from the bushes. He called to them, and one stopped dead in his tracks, eyes connected with DA. There was no time to react, DA hit the kid full in the belly. DA was on the ground, unable to move and asking for help. One of the kids grabbed the hit kid and they all bolted, leaving DA injured on the ground begging for someone to call an ambulance. His lung was punctured, six ribs broken, fractured pelvis, and a broken collar bone. A nearby stranger came to the rescue and offered help. DA was taken to a nearby hospital and put into ICU. 3 days later, he started his training again. 10 minutes a day at first, then 20. Today was his longest ride in a while, about 25 miles. We rode to the site of the accident and chatted about how his training has changed to accommodate for his injuries. He swims 1500 yards, one armed. He was a bit gun shy as we rode into the crowd around Huntington Beach Pier. But he prevailed. He says the worst part of his injury is to his confidence. It was nice to ride with a friend.
Tuesday, while I was cycling with my French buddies, we came to the nasty little hill that leads out of the back bay. Gilles-the triathlete was instructing his coworker who spoke the least amount of English, how to best cycle this nasty little hill--instructing him in English. I was very close and listened for a bit, then cocky little me said: Race ya! And jammed up that hill so fast in my clip-less pedals and cycling shoes, my feet were flying. When I got to the top, I turned around to see where everyone was. In a fine French accent, I heard, "You spanked us!" from the other crew member whose wife is a TV producer and who lived in the US for 3 years--hence his impeccable English (it seems so funny that I should only remember Gilles name--I wouldn't have if the man who lived in the US introduced him as "Gilles, in your language that would be Giles." and then his playful, mocking laugh).
A few times during the day, Gilles gently made suggestions on ways to improve my cycling--step up my cadence ("Do you have a cadence computer?"), work on my flow, don't race on my bike. When I exclaimed that I love that bike, he said, "this is your heart-bike, but not for racing." Yes, Little Red is my heart-bike.
I've been trying to watch my flow and cadence, lighten my gear and quicken my pace. Most of the time, I ride hard, pushing with too much rather than spinning on a lighter gear. But there are times, when I feel the fluidity of my action, when my effort is completely efficient and the energy I expend reveals the maximum potential of the sum of the parts, my pedaling and the bike's components. It is so strange that achieving this requires so much mental work--focus and concentration, rather than the sloppy, all physical aspects of riding. It is all grace.
When I spoke with DA about working on my cadence, he said, "Do you have a cadence computer? Cadence is something you work for. You set a goal and work on it for 5 minutes, then begin increasing it." Same as everything--set a goal and work toward it. Today marks my half a year mark of setting this goal and working toward it.
One thing that really helps that feeling of flow, is to be literally connected to my bike--having my shoes connected to my pedals allow me to utilize the full rotation of the crank. Wednesday night after our ride around the Back Bay, JE and I drove out of the parking lot, leaving my only cycling shoes on the pavement.
Tonight we visited Josh at Irvine Bicycles and talked to him about new cycling shoes. He thinks I should get performance shoes--something with a stiffer sole, that will improve my cycling speed. I asked if it will help with my cadence. He asked if I have a cadence computer...
Today's ride: 57.4 miles, and some self induced circuit training.
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